Have Mercy on My Soul
by Aaelenie
Summary: Dean's pissed at Castiel for disappearing at a bad time. Set after 5.03 "Free To Be You And Me." Dean/Castiel


Disclaimer: I own nothing, merely rent.

Pairing: Dean/Castiel

Cas, fucking Cas would not let me sleep till I finished this chapter. Luckily he was satisfied with that much at least and didn't make me write the entire fic. Slept like a fucking baby when I was done though. Son of a bitch. -.- Enjoy. =)

**Have Mercy on My Soul**

Dean steps out of the shower, breaking apart the clouds of steam filling up the small motel room bathroom, and steps over to the mirror. He slides his hand across the mirror wiping off the condensation, hoping to see another face reflecting back at him besides his own. He frowns then reaches down to his jeans laying on the floor and pulls his phone out of his pocket, checking for any missed calls. Nothing. He sighs, wraps a towel around his waist, and walks out to the bed. Sprawling out on the bed he sets his phone down on the nightstand and closes his eyes.

Dean thinks about the car ride, wonders how he could just disappear while he was pouring his heart out to him. Sam had always tried to get him to open up, and while it wasn't Sam he was opening up to, he had still done it. And the goddamned son of a bitch pulled a fucking disappearing act on him. So now here he is, laying in another sketchy motel room, feeling like a goddamned teenage girl wondering if the boy she likes is going to call.

Flipping through the five channels on the TV that was quite easily older than he was, Dean becomes hypnotized by the rapidly changing images. He was so focused on the TV he nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone rings.

"Dean, where are you?" the low voice asks.

"Cas," Dean says, trying to keep all the conflicting emotions out of his voice. "I really wanna talk to you. I'm at the Rainbow Inn in Warwick, RI."

No sooner than Dean hangs up the phone does he feel the angel's presence by the door. He gets up off the bed and walk over to Castiel, violating that personal space he normally cares so much about.

"What the fuck, Cas?" Dean asks angrily in a low voice. "I pour my fucking heart out to you, even compliment you, and you disappear on me. You are the only one I have left in this world, the only one I can rely on now, Hell, you're my fucking best friend, and you fucking bail on me when I open up." Dean's right up in his face now, yelling and gripping the lapels of Castiel's trench coat, shaking him for emphasis. "That's not an easy thing for me to do and you just run away."

Castiel looks into Dean's eyes and says calmly and steadily, "Dean-,"

"What?" Dean snaps.

"I came here to apologize. I understand what I did. I was confused. I did not know what to say, I did not know how to handle the situation. I am trying to deal with my own… emotions for the first time. I am trying to understand emotion, what it means, what it feels like. It was too much for me to process at the time," Castiel explains calmly, if not slightly confused. Dean lessens his grip on his coat but doesn't let go. "Dean, please try to understand. I am new to this. I meant no offense by my actions."

Dean looks into the ocean that is Castiel's eyes and sees the loss and the pain and the confusion. He looks down, ashamed for yelling at him. "Cas, I think I can understand, to an extent. I know what it's like not having a father around. I know that a father may be different concepts to us, but it's all the same in the end. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I should have realized that you're dealing with some really heavy shit right now."

Castiel places his hands on Dean's wrists which are still holding onto his coat. "Dean, I want you to know that you are the only one I have left, on Earth or in Heaven."

"Well, you know, that's not entirely true, I'm sure Lucifer would love to have you," Dean grins and Castiel just stares at him. "Sorry."

"Dean, you are my only… friend, you are the only one that does not want me dead."

Dean sighs and rests his forehead against Castiel's. He felt selfish. He tore Cas a new asshole just because he left while he was talking his own human feelings, not realizing that Cas just had a major bomb dropped onto his entire existence. Lucifer had brought him back to life, and his Father was supposedly dead. He felt like an ass.

The two men, mortal and immortal, just stood there for what felt like an eternity, foreheads pressed together trying to figure out what to say. For the first time since they've met, they understand each other.

"Cas." Dean's the one to break to silence. "You're a stronger man than I am. If I was in your shoes, I probably would've beaten the shit outta me for not realizing what you were going through sooner. And you're dealing with it and not giving up, not giving into the darkness."

Castiel cocks his head to the side, confused and innocent. "Why would I do that?'

"Because it's the easy way out."

"Yeah." Dean sighs. "Cas, I want you to know that I really admire you for that. And I know I've never said it before, and I'll probably never say it again, but thank you. I know everything you did for me, everything you sacrificed for me. There are no words that can really express just how I feel."

Before he knew what he was doing, Dean kissed Castiel. A chaste kiss at first, his lips increasing speed, increasing ferocity. The angel's lips yield slowly, allowing Dean's tongue to feel his own. Dean's doing most of the work, but he feels Cas tentatively explore with his tongue, unsure of what was happening but going along with it anyway. Dean's so wrapped up in this moment that he doesn't his towel slipping off his hips, leaving him exposed.

Dean's brain finally kicks in and has no idea what's going on. His first thought is that he's kissing another man. His second thought is that this isn't just any man, this is a freakin' angel of the Lord. His third thought is that he doesn't fucking care. This is the only he has left in this world, and being in his presence, kissing him, makes him forget the world is crashing down around them. And he may not be a mind reader, but he's pretty sure his angel feels the same way.

Dean breaks the kiss when he realizes just how drafty the room has become and bends down to pick up the towel. Holding it in front of him he stands up and sighs as he finds himself alone. "Goddamnit," he mutters to himself and retreats back to the bed deciding to try to get some sleep because Castiel will come back around when he's ready.


End file.
